Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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