its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
