Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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