I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
its liver damage thursday
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
