He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
