Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
