I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
