uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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