you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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