So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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