I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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