Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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