I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
handjob tips. give me some.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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