batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
