Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I touched a dick in church today
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
