angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize