drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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