If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
