and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
