But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
