If that was your dad, he is hot
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
