Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
