I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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