Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
40s are totally the cure
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
