I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
