when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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