dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
