Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can text with my tongue
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
