I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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