got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
