also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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