his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
