I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
