u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
