He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it penis luge time yet?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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