come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
