So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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