I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
