Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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