So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
