I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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