I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize