I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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