is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
