there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my shit smells like andre
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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