he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
