It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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