I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
