Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
