It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
