the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
