why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
