i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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