there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize