He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's shark week go big or go home
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
