You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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