You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
