Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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