Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
