Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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