No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
