I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
