I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
