I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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