Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
