Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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