well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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