Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
