thus making me awesome and them whores
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize