JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
