I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
